Rowyn (rowyn) wrote,
Rowyn
rowyn

Tranquilized

It's Saturday afternoon, and I don't much feel like doing anything.

For the last few months, I've devoted a largish portion of my free time to bard_bloom's Terrible Butterflies game. It's been comparatively quiet the last week (meaning a mere 250 new messages, as opposed to the more usual 600-700 -- it might be premature to forecast its end). In some of the previous quiet periods, I found other stuff for my character to do. Lately, I'm more inclined to let the PBEM be somewhat quiet, and find other things to do.

Which means I have to remember what other things I used to do.

Let's see:

  • Exercise: I've still been doing that

  • Post to my personal LJ: haven't done much of that

  • Read my friends list: current on it now

  • Draw: have done a bit of that, granted mostly for the aforementioned Terrible Butterflies

  • Post to unfinishedtales: haven't done that since the PBEM started

  • Call koogrr: still doing that regularly

  • Hang out with Lut: still doing that

  • Run logs for Game of October: remarkably, still doing this

  • Play Puzzle Pirates: hadn't played since January and let my subscription lapse in March, more because I couldn't motivate myself to give them my Visa's new expiration date than out of any active desire to cancel. I actually like Three Rings and don't mind paying them for making and supporting a good game, even if I'm not playing it. When was the last time you heard someone who felt that way about Blizzard or Sony?

Of all of these things, the only one I didn't miss doing (or at least "having done") was Puzzle Pirates.

So, naturally, this week I started playing Puzzle Pirates again.

No, I'm not exactly sure how that works, either.

Of course, there's a big difference between wanting to do something, and wanting to have done something. Art and writing are two things that I'm always happy to have done, but not always interested in the actual doing them part. At times the act of doing them is fun, and at others it's just a chore. Playing Puzzle Pirates is never a chore, but rarely something I'm glad to have done. I don't look back on a morning spent doing distilling puzzles and think "Oh yeah, I'm so glad I spent that time on this game. I got ten ratings of 'excellent' and four of 'incredible'. That sure was an accomplishment to treasure."

As I was playing the distilling puzzle earlier this evening, I couldn't escape the feeling that I was tranquilizing myself. That I was playing it not because it was what I wanted to do, but because it was something that would make me forget for a little while all the other things I wanted to have done. I wasn't even amusing myself; just drugging myself into a stupor. And it's one thing to spend my life in pleasant idle leisure, and another to spend it glazed-eyed and drooling.

So maybe I won't have a lot to show for today, but at least I made a couple of posts to my LJ. And that's one thing I'm glad to have done.
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