Rowyn (rowyn) wrote,

A sense of relief

After the agonies of yesterday, at work, (funny how much it can hurt to give birth to an idea; it makes that metaphor seem almost apt) today seems quite stolid and ordinary by comparison. I still like my idea from yesterday, but it has lost the brilliance of newness. I am no longer convinced that it is a great idea, or one of the best I’ve ever had. It’s a good idea, but it still needs plenty of work and wouldn’t necessarily come out well.

And, no, I’m not going to tell you what it is. This one I want to keep to myself, at least for now.

The main reason I was inspired to even try to come up with a new idea, curiously enough, was from a sudden longing to draw. Usually my artistic ambitions, when I get them, are impossibly complex: I want to paint photo-realistic images of nonexistent things. In this case, though, my urge was only to doodle; to do a comic or a story told in simple images. I probably would have gone ahead and done some work on it last night anyway, but I had a game scheduled with Brenna. So I tried to exorcise the drawing demons by sketching a picture of Brenna’s PC, Elise, in between poses.

I settled on a fairly standard three-quarters pose, and the drawing came out rather better than I expected, given my lack of a solid visual reference. I was drawing her in her Executor uniform, which is a combination of pieces of armor and flowing robes. While I could have found a ‘woman standing’ for proportional reference, finding a high-quality image of a partially armored woman wearing a particular style of robes would be …. Tricky. Even with Google.

I did reference a drawing Greywolf had done, for a rough idea of how to make the breastplate look (the design only covers the ribcage, for, presumably, maximum flaexibility) and a sketch of Brenna’s that outlined the kind of ornamentation she wanted. And I made up the Executor badge, which I had originally intended to be simply a diagonal double-bladed axe. That looked a bit too plain, so I changed it to an “Axe and Anchor” design, as a variant on the “Star and Anchor” symbol of the Temple. (With another religion, I might consider such tinkering sacrilegious, but the Temple already has precedent for variations on the Star and Anchor.) I may change it again if people don’t like it, or if anyone has a better idea. :)

I’ll probably scan it sometime this weekend and post a link, but I haven’t yet gotten around to installing my scanner’s driver, or my paint software, on my new computer. (Which, incidentally, is definitely suffering from an overheating problem. The system has two case fans, in addition to the fans for the CPU and the power supply. The latter two fans are working fine, but the case fans, though apparently plugged in, do not work at all. For the last week I’ve been running the system with the side off the case, resulting in a case-temperature drop of 10 degrees and end to my frequent crashes. We still need to contact the system’s builder about getting the case fans working. I also need to call my father and tell him “I knew it!” because he scoffed at me when I said I thought it was overheating.)
Anyway, doing the sketch of Elise seems to have settled my urgent need to draw, rather to my relief An obsessive need to create would be awfully handy, were I an artist or a writer professionally. But it’s pretty inconvenient when you’re trying to do incredibly dull but painstaking banking tasks.

And, in fact, a need to create something brand new wouldn’t even be all the helpful if I were a professional creative type. My current creative project is still a long, long way from completion, and haring off on a new one isn’t going to help. Been there, done that, too many times to count. I want to stick with one thing until it’s finished. Even if the finished project is terrible, I at least want it to get that far.

Still. I find myself with mixed feeling about my reprieve. As if my life were a comfortable cage, cramped but cozy. For one day, I screamed and railed and longed for freedom, beating my hands against the bars. But today I am calm and content once more, inside my gilded prison. It's not so bad.

And I still have my jeweler's pick and the growing tunnel, carved inch by inch, hidden behind a poster.

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