Rowyn (rowyn) wrote,
Rowyn
rowyn

C.L.O.S.E.

I had a nightmare this morning.

I was diagnosed as having a slightly contagious and probably lethatl auto-immune disorder, acronymed "CLOSE." (Pronounced as in "close only counts in horsehoes and handgrenades"). I had recently heard about this disorder through Greywolf's Livejournal, whre he was writing about how "things could be worse, at least I don't have this". Only well after I woke up did I realize I had dreamed that part, too.

In the dream, Greywolf was giving me a ride to the doctor when he found out I had this disease. He got very uneasy and told me I shouldn't be around people any more, because I might give them it. I remember feeling angry and abandoned, and wondering if he was right. I kept wanting to go home and Google the disorder, try to find out more about it. [As a sidenote, the idea of being abandoned by Greywolf, of all people, because of an illness is especially odd, given that I've known him for over 10 years, but never met him in person, and the only kind of sickness I could possibly give him is a computer virus.]

Shortly thereafter, 'my' life in the dream ceased to resemble my RL in any way. My name was "Maggie" and there were people around me that the dream identified as my mother, my boyfriend, and another friend. None of them looked or acted like their waking-world counterparts. I was getting very tired. I was trying to grow herbs that could be used to treat my disorder, because I was running out of money. My mother was living with me and my boyfriend in a tiny one-room cottage. They were fighting. My mother said I should grow something that could raise money. My boyfriend kept saying "Where? Where? In /your/ bed? There's no room!" I had the bague feeling that I had formerly practiced witchcraft. The argument seemed to be coming from a very long way away. I felt so detached.

I was either sleeping or not lucid for most of the time after that. There were pages on a calendar that showed me in my few lucid moments. Never more than one or two days a month. My boyfriend would take pictures of me and try to cheer me up, but underneath I could tell there was a terrible sorrow in him. I was horrified by the passage of time. A whole year went by and I was barely aware of it.

Finally, I woke up. I am terribly relieved to learn that there is no such disorder. :)

And, on the bright side, my back (I wrenched it Monday night) hurts WAY less than it did yesterday. Woohoo! Still hurts, but I don't feel like some kind of strange monster lurching about the house anymroe. :)
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