Rowyn (rowyn) wrote,

The Ritual of Leaf Removal: FAIL

On Saturday, I didn't feel nearly as bad as I'd thought I would. So I went out and filled another six bags with leaves. The last few ones I filled by hand, which was faster per bag filled, but probably not per leaf bagged, since the leaves that didn't get chewed up by the leaf vac didn't pack down nearly as well. Also, the ritual has a limit of twenty bags (or bundles; I would have bundled some twigs, but I didn't have the correct reagent for that part of the ritual). I was up to 16 even with 12 or so packed down by the leaf vacuum.

Sunday night, I consulted the spirits to verify that my earlier divination of the appointed hour was correct. I examined the scroll they had earlier provided. It had little maps on it, labeled with runes for "North" "Central" and "South", and arcane boundaries marked on each one. I was pretty sure we were in "Central". I peered at the markings on the boundaries of each division.

"What the -- Lut, our home is shown nowhere on the Diagram of Appointed Places!*" I showed Lut the scroll. The markings showed that "Central" was West of The Blue Boundary. We are two blocks east of the Blue Boundary. "South" was South of the 70th Boundary (which is only the eighth or so boundary relevant here, but such are the ways of the arcane). We are one block North of the 70th Boundary. The North rune demarcated a section way the heck north of us.

* Translated from the mundane.

I fumed. "Why are we not on the map? Why would the spirits even deliver this scroll to us if they were not going to claim our leaves?"

I attempted to commune with the spirits, but they refused to respond. I consulted my crystalline box, but it only showed the same useless maps. I fumed some more. "Do we not tithe to these spirits? Do they not provide us with arcane power, heat, and yea, even the very water we drink? Do they not claim our weekly trash? Why would they deny us the Ritual of Leaf Disposal?"

Lut suggested we leave the bags in the appointed place anyway. If the spirits did not come for them, we could always put them back in the garage.

And thus we did, but lo, the spirits did not bear them away, and we were forced to return them to storage. I must attempt once more to commune with the spirits, and hope that they will answer and lend me guidance on where I have erred.

Or I'll find out the whole stupid thing is a cargo cult and the ritual just plain Doesn't Work. Hmph.
Tags: life
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