I’m going to give up writing.
Not just Prophecy, not just Scales, no, all of it. No more LiveJournal for me! No more mucking, either. If I insist on roleplaying, I’ll just have to find see people in Real Life to do it.
I realize that this is going to be a difficult resolution for me to keep, so I think I’ll ease into it. Instead of giving up writing straightaway, I’ll start by giving up a letter or two at a time. For today, I’m starting out easy, with “z” and “x”. That’s the last time I’ll be using those letters. Yes indeedy! I know those aren’t too common and won’t hamper me too much for now, but I’ve got to get used to the idea, you see. I’ve been an addict to writing for so long I know I just couldn’t give up the whole alphabet at once. Tomorrow, I’ll try adding “q” to the forbidden list. I figure by the time I work my way to the ones that are really important to writing, like “e” and “a”, I’ll be pretty well weaned off the whole process.
This could make my job more difficult, as some people here probably think I ought to be answering emails and stuff. I hope they’ll be understanding about how important this is to me, however. I mean, I can’t go quitting by half measures, you know. If I’m going to go straight, I have to do it all the way. A little note here, a quick email for work there, and ne -- er, subsequent -- thing you know, I’d be right back to writing novels again.
If Toddler Bank won’t accept my resolution, I suppose I’ll have to look for a different line of work. I hear AT&T is hiring telesolicitors.
While I’m giving up writing, I think I should give up reading, too. This’ll be even harder than giving up writing, but I think I’ve got a plan. I’ll start by skipping every other paragraph when I’m reading, then work my way up to every other page, then every other chapter, until I can claim to have read a book just by looking at the front cover. This’ll save me a lot of time, plus leech all the joy out of reading, so that pretty soon I won’t need to claim to read at all.
With all this time I’ll save by not reading or writing, I’m going to get a Real Life. I’m not completely sure what a Real Life is, but I think it involves watching a lot of TV and drinking beer. That’s going to be my new goal in life: get drunk and watch TV. That’ll be a lot more normal than this ridiculous obsession I have with writing and discussing things with all of you people, who I know aren’t Real People because I only interact with you online, and that’s not Real Life.
It’ll make a lot more sense for me to take an active interest in the lives of those characters on General Hospital and Guiding Light. Do you know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen any “Must See TV”? I mean, I am so hopelessly out of step with the Real World. I’ve never even seen “The Real World,” in fact, because I don’t have MTV. I’ll have to cancel my cablemodem and get cable TV instead. What’s been wrong with me all these years?
I don’t even like beer, as it happens, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it if I just try. Just like I’m sure I could get used to reality television. Boy, I feel so good about this resolution. I just know that having a Real Life is going to be great!
But I know it’s going to be hard work, breaking myself of my bad old habits, reading, writing, and whatnot. I hope all of you will understand when you see me backsliding and making the occasional post or snippet of fiction. I’m going to be trying really hard! I hope Real Life is worth it! Good luck to all of you if I never talk to you again. *sniffle* Oh, I really think I’m going to miss you all. Just shows how far gone I am, thinking all this writing stuff could be important. I’m going to do better. I know I can!